Eyes of Emulation

                “I.  Am.  Sooooooo.  Bored!”   My son lamented in a dialect best described as ‘Ugh’ and simultaniously moved his body in a similar fashion to the rubber band Gumby toys I had as a child where when you push the button the band goes slack and the entire thing collapses on itself.  It may soon be scientific fact that children’s bones are made of a similar material, yet instead of a button the band goes limp any time a request is uttered from a parent’s mouth.

                “Only boring people are…..” I couldn’t finish.

                “Oh my god mom!  BORED!  Yeah, I know!   I hate when you say that!”

                This is a phrase that has been passed down generationally.  My mom said it to me with similar results to the ones that I receive.  She ended hers with, “If you can’t find something to do, I will and you won’t like it.”  This was always my cue to stomp into my room before she could introduce my hand to the vacuum.  After I’d shut myself in I would vow to never say that kind of stuff to my kids should I have them.  I wish that I could go back in time and laugh in my ‘all knowing’ preteen face.  Repeating things from our childhood is natural.  Whether it’s phrases or traditions or favorite meals or even a vicious cycle of drugs and abuse (while I certainly don’t suggest the last one) the perpetuation of these things is something we are all guilty of in some way.  The one thing I feel I missed out on is that now not only is it frowned down upon to ‘beat our kid’s asses’, but somewhat illegal in places.  Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t looking to met out corporal punishment or anything, I’m just sad that I will probably never get to say:

 “This will hurt me more than it will hurt you.”

“I hit you because I love you.”

“I’m just trying to teach you a lesson.”
“Wait until your father gets home and he’ll ‘tell’ you again!” or

“You made me do this.”

I suppose I must rely on my wits and bribing techniques instead of the back of my hand.  Really is too bad. 

                While camping recently my sister’s mother in law joked that when my son grew up he would likely write a book titled, ‘Growing Up Angie’ and that she would buy it.  I countered that instead of a college savings I should make it a ‘therapy account’ to help him become normal.  This did cause a bit of introspection though about what sayings and things from his childhood that, while he hates them now, as an adult he’ll find the wisdom in and perpetuate.  I have compiled some of my favorites that I well and truly hope continue:

“Only you have the power to embarrass yourself.”

“Don’t sell yourself short or someone will pay the clearance price.”  (This is sometimes ended with, “and you’re worth more than that.” depends on how much energy I want to expend in my parenting syllabus.)

“Yesterday is not today’s fault.”

“Jason Mraz songs have subliminal messages in them to make people want wieners.  That’s why girls really like him.  Prolonged exposure for guys will cause gayness.  That’s science.”

‘Soooo not true, everyone knows people are born gay, they don’t become it.’

“Mr. Mraz hasn’t been around that long.  You’ll see I’m right.”

“You’re welcome to as many negative comments as you want, but must counter them with three positive.  Negative rolls downhill and if you go too far it’s a long hard climb back up.”

“Don’t say, ‘I can’t.’ but ‘how can I?’”

“You can’t control people, only how you react to them.”

“It’s not what you say, but how you say it.”

“The most important thing you can make people feel is appreciated.”

“You get bed bugs from strip clubs.”  (Among other things.)

                Maybe he’ll repeat all of them, maybe none, maybe only two, but most likely I’m telling him these things as a reminder to myself.  I can make a million speeches about eating healthy, but if I do it while shoveling fast food into my mouth the words become moot.  I can’t just say the things that would make me a better person, I have to be them to ensure that when my son looks at me with eyes of emulation, I’m proud of my reflection.